Tonight The Bottle Let Me Down

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6NEksngRCO8

I know, I know, it’s a serious problem and all. You don’t have to drink like a fish yourself to know that. But it’s true it’s medicinal sometimes, especially for someone who can’t really drink anyway.

Well, me, I mean.

I can get tipsy just sniffing wine, and several sips of cosmo will knock me flat. It’s now become well known among my friends what to do when they are in need of some free entertainment. They get me drunk!

But I can turn from a happy drunk to a sleepy drunk very quickly, and then it’s not fun anymore, because I will have to lie down until I sober up. And I become as red as a lobster. Have you seen a sleeping lobster? That’s me when I am totally plastered.

Many people envy my ability to get drunk so easily, men especially appreciate this because I am such a cheap date. And of course they think it’s their cue to misbehave.

That’s why I usually don’t drink when I am out, unless I am with friends. I prefer getting drunk at home where nobody can see the sleepy lobster, although I know many people have this rule not to drink alone.

Perhaps it’s a wise rule since most people can get addicted. But not me, no. I am proud to say my body is built with almost zero tolerance against alcohol and hence I will never get myself addicted.

And if I have trouble sleeping, well, the bottle never lets me down!

Chihuahua

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kpX4cUSeRnA

Everything here in Japan is smaller, including the dogs. There are Chihuahuas everywhere in Tokyo. They are on the street, at cafes, in someone’s bags or doggie strollers. You see them everywhere you go.

Don’t get me wrong, I love dogs. But Chihuahuas are not really dogs, are they? I believe they are more rodentia than canine, and I have absolutely nothing against rats either.

It’s just very interesting how Japanese prefer everything small (now do stop that silly smile please!) If you think about it, it makes perfect sense because they don’t have big houses here, so naturally they have to downsize everything, including their pets.

Although personally I believe Japanese have this “Kawai Complex.” They like to be cute. And it’s hard to be cute if it’s big. That’s why everything here is small, and MINI cars are so popular.

Because of this Kawai Complex, girls are expected to squeak their words in a high-pitched childlike voice and wear lots of makeup plus a smile. And boys are expected to act like Disney characters and never grow muscles.

Do you know how many boy bands and girl bands we have here? It’s just disgusting!

Many western visitors complain about the size of the toilet seats here, but the funny thing is, they always find AKB48 (the most famous girl band now) fascinating.

As for me, AKB48 is as fascinating as the toilet seats!

Are You Lonesome Tonight

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QrojFR7jM9E

Many of my friends collect friends on Facebook. There seem to be a competition going on there. I think the current winner has more than 1,000 friends in her collection.

Once I tried to log in my FB page in Singapore airport while I was just killing time, waiting for my connecting flight. I had to answer some security questions and give the names of my friends whose pics were chosen randomly by their system.

Of course I recognized all the faces, because they are my friends! I've met them, talked to them and even slept with some of them before!

But how the "popular" people pass this face recognition test? And about those cyber superstars, I also wonder, are they so popular that they are actually lonely? Or are they so lonely that they have to look popular?

And if you further analyze their profiles, you will find they are usually single or unhappily-married (too busy enjoying their cyber fame, no time for real social life) and relatively successful (career-wise anyway).

I often hear people commenting on FB that they have too many friends that they have to clean up their friends' list. It's a mystery to me how they got it dirty in the first place!

Freelancers and artists also use Facebook for business, but potential customers are hardly friends, don’t you think? A name without a face is just an acquaintance in your social network, not a friend.

I suggest we have another list on Facebook called “Faceless Friends,” now that should save us a lot of trouble!

Underneath Your Clothes

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VI86eJkoKw8&feature=fvst

When I was a little girl, I used to try on my mum’s clothes secretly, like all the other little girls. But I also itemized and catalogued all my clothes, coordinated the outfits and documented all the different arrangements. Well you can see the true nerd in making…

Many Japanese read fashion magazines religiously, men and women. Female models in Japan are often cute, rather than beautiful. And there are many half-Caucasian female models here. For Japanese, somehow clothes look more expensive and desirable if the body wearing them has a white face attached.

But Japanese male models often resemble stick insects and are more feminine than Marylyn Meroe. If you have never read any Japanese men’s fashion magazine, it’s strongly recommended to go out and buy one immediately, to experience some serious entertainment.

I don’t read any fashion magazines usually. Don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy watching beautiful people and I love fashion, but I want real fashion on real people, which is why people-watching is my favorite sport.

Although reading fashion magazines is considered normal, the funny thing is some men find women's magazines fascinating and read them regularly while most women never touch men's magazines.

Of course we all agree that female form is way more superior, but a man simply doesn’t need to look that good, as long as he has certain qualities such as brains, money, or preferably both. And for a woman, the social pressure is on her to look gorgeous all the time. Just read those glittering magazines, you will see looks are still everything we want from a woman.

When can we see a fashion magazine for full-figured women here in Japan?

Fashion

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-lGTKtqtXeE

It's not a secret that I have a passion for fashion. And I also love photography. So I take pics of myself in different outfits, shoes, accessories and makeup, then share them with my friends on Facebook. Now does it make me an exhibitionist or narcissist I often wonder?

But trend means very little to me. I follow my own style, which is often 'grab the first one I see in the closet.' I always like it simple anyway!

So the clothes on the top of the piles in my closet get their fair chance to be out and about, while some of the unfortunately buried ones still haven’t even made it for their debut.

Sometimes when I have time and decide to dig in my closet to find something more unusual, I always have a pleasant surprise. But even when I choose to go out of my comfort zone (the clothes on the top in the drawers), I still follow one strict guideline: stick to what suits me!

Most Japanese pay great attention to their appearance. It's a nation obsessed with how other people think. But the tragedy is many of them don’t even mind being fashion victims when they try too hard to be different, or looking like a carbon copy of each other when they follow the trend blindly.

I like to observe other people's fashion and analyze their personality and character. Some of my friends prefer conservative style with wacky socks. It’s obvious they are saying, “I may look nice and harmless, but hey, I am also unique underneath. Find the true me if you can!” And I like them for that!

Hypnotize U

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YM-41D89rdc

Many people like watching airplanes and trains in action, or animals chasing and killing each other, or other people fighting for a ridiculously small ball (comparing with their body sizes).

Do those things excite you too? Well sorry, not me. I like to observe, but only when there are some human stories involved, for example, how people are dressed, how they carry themselves, and how they connect or disconnect with each other.

I suppose there are 2 different kinds of watching, the brainless kind and the brainy kind. Personally I prefer not to be anesthetized either emotionally or rationally.

One of the most popular past-times in the coupledom is watching videos in their living room together. I have nothing against it, but I often wonder if that's the best way to avoid fights.

Although we all use movies or music to help us unwind sometimes, I can never fall asleep while doing it. My brain simply refuses to be switched off that way! Imagine what you might miss!!

Maybe that's why I can never stand crappy movies or noises pretending to be music. Passive viewing/listening is just so not my thing!

Nice Weather For Ducks

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e8yx4k4tzqE&feature=related

Japanese love their hot springs. They spend hours getting to the hot springs, stay at a hotel there one night, and take a hot bath 3 to 5 times during max 18 hours of their stay.

I like to take a bath too. But unlike Japanese, I can't do it in the summer and I also have problems doing it with strangers I don't plan to have a serious relationship with.

The most horrific thing which can happen to you is being started at by everyone, men AND women. Oh yes, some public baths here in Japan still keep their good old tradition of mix-gender baths.

So I can either take a very long and very hot bath at home or go to a hot spring and stay at an over-priced hotel that has a private bath in the room. And guess what my choice is? Well I stay at home and enjoy my private bathing time at leisure and without any hassle.

Some people read in the bath, some watch movies. But I prefer listening to Jazz or operas, eating strawberries with vanilla ice cream, and slowly sipping chilled white wine in the bath. Very busy actually...

And talking about bathing equipment and accessories, of course my bathroom has the standard water reheating function, but I have been thinking about installing a Jacuzzi, even though I am sure my 2 toy ducks won't be very happy about it.

I also have 2 bath pillows, one is plastic and shapes like breasts, the other is an air pillow. The former is too hard and the latter too soft. So I don’t use them at all.

Last year someone gave me a floating candle and I love it. But I also have an electric bath light that has many colors and can turn your bathtub into a disco. I still don't have the courage to try it out.

Some people like bathing salts, others like bathing oil. But my favorite is, of course, bubble bath!

Oh the water is ready, it’s time for my bath now!!

Blow

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CFWX0hWCbng&feature=related

A typhoon is on her way to Tokyo. This morning many schools announced a day off for the kids. And most companies are letting people leave early today.

So now everyone I know is trying to get back home before the typhoon arrives. But then surprise surprise,all the trains have stopped! You know how cautious Japanese are. As a result, everyone is now trapped either in the train or in the office.

Real typhoons seldom come to Tokyo, so many westerners here think it's just a piece of a cake to have another typhoon visiting. But that's only because they don't know about the real typhoons, which bring the wind strong enough to uproot big trees and so much rain to cause land-slide and flood.

But I have fond memories of typhoons from my childhood. Every kid loves typhoon holidays. You get to skip school without having to invent any excuses!

Once though, I was only 6 when we were suddenly released from school because of a super typhoon. But as I was making my way home, I fell into the flooded sewage because there was water everywhere on the street and nobody could see anything in the rain and wind.

I couldn't swim, and still can't. I was almost drowned then, but luckily a man saw me and pulled me out quickly. I was so shocked that I just started walking home again without saying a word.

Till this day I wonder if I would ever have the chance to tell this man what I forgot to say so many years ago, thank you!

Squeeze Me

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5e8ta-y_i9g

Before I moved to Tokyo, I used to laugh incredibly at the scene on TV of people being pushed into the commuter train. But now it's not funny anymore when I am one of them.

Of course there are alternatives, for instance, you can drive. But even if you can afford everyday parking here, which costs about half of your rent, it's just impractical to drive sometimes. Struggling through traffic jam to find somewhere to park is definitely not my idea of fun.

So unfortunately most of us are stuck with trains. I don't really mind as long as I can avoid the rush hours. People-watching is one of my favorite sports anyway.

But I was horrified when I first saw girls here doing their make-up on the train. But now, well I have long given up my principle and joined them, although I still insist on lipstick and powder only. No eyelash curler or mascara on the train!

Once a middle-aged man sitting next to me suddenly asked me to give my seat to an old lady who I hadn't noticed. She just got on the train when I was busy observing someone else. So I immediately stood up in shame and gave my seat to her. But till this day I still wonder what had prevented him from giving his own precious seat away, his age, his gender, or both??

Most Japanese are engrossed in their own world when they are on the train, from iPod, Nintendo, mobiles, to magazines with pics of naked girls, here being Toyo, the electronic Mecca and sex Disneyland.

But some people simply sleep on the train. You can’t imagine how exhausted and dead they look. Sometimes I even wonder if I should call an ambulance.

And me, hmmm, I am usually the only one on the train doing nothing else but watching the others, which suits me just fine!

Paparazzi

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d2smz_1L2_0&ob=av2n

I happen to know quite a few professional photographers, and yes, like their reputation which precedes them, most of them are not exactly the type any parents want their daughter to be near within a 100 mile radiance.

But without doubt, all the photographers I know have one thing in common, they have a sharp eye for beauty, although mostly commercialized beauty. They know what kind of photos people want to see and they produce them accordingly.

But beauty should be 100% subjective. The only professional photographer I know who seems to have a unique angle of his own is an acquaintance of mine on Facebook, not really my friend. But his pics are somehow different and actually reveal a lot about him.

That's another thing many photographers have in common. They mistakenly believe they can safely hide behind their lenses. But in fact their pics give away much more than they realize or would like to admit.

So if they are unfortunately empty-headed, well sorry their pics are also as generic and boring as chewing gum. But if they really have got something interesting to say, then you can always find the message in the pics. In other words, their photos reflect their inner selves, without them even knowing it.

Although many of them are geniuses technically and equipped with the latest and largest cameras, I believe a good photographer should be able to use any camera to tell the story, to describe the view in his mind, to present the world as the way he sees it, and to make people feel what he thinks.

It's true a pic is worth a thousand words, but only if it's a good one!

Travelling Mood

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zR9DaRgpy6Y

What do people take on the trip?

Once I landed in a city with a small handbag and a missing suitcase. 3 days later, I came to the conclusion that I had always over packed before.

It was such a liberating discovery, knowing a passport and a credit card are all I need. Since then, I've done quite a bit of solo backpacking.

Although now just in case, I also pack some extra contact lenses, earplugs, aspirins, and some clothes. Everything is in one small bag.

I always like global roaming. Even if it’s a shopping holiday, I just leave with an almost empty suitcase and come back with a full one. It’s funny how little I need when I am traveling and how much I want when I am not.

But business travel is a completely different story. I have no choice but to take a computer and its 20 or so arccosines, necessary and unnecessary documents, and all the other crap my boss asks me to. That’s the only time I can’t travel light.

So I really don’t understand how some of my friends can stuff their suitcases with emergency food on their trip. They take microwavable rice, cup noodles, canned fish, bottled water, etc. Seriously!

And they would consume everything by the end of their travel. It's probably one of the sweetest memories from their trip. 

Well I suppose we are all different!

Feeling Alright

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NiTcmahEjiY

Most of people catch a cold once or twice a year. Some people are always catching a cold. Only few lucky ones are constantly on the verge of it but almost never actually do catch it, and I am one of them.

The secret is to have a very unfit health condition while working very hard and playing even harder, but always remembering to take your vitamins and run to your doctor at the first sign of a sore throat.

I collect vitamins and medicine. Looking at all those colorful pills, capsules, and tablets makes me feel stronger, or even invincible sometimes!

I take vitamins religiously everyday, most of them are sent by my mum regularly and every time we skype, she asks if I need some more.

But I don't enjoy taking real medicine, because I hate their side effects. Most stuff makes my skin bumpy and red. So I only take them when desperate.

My mum has her social circle in the hospitals she frequents. She often goes and hangs out with her mates there when she feels chatty, which is always. But for me, I only need my meds, not sick buddies.

This morning I got up feeling a bit under the weather, probably from too much sunshine and sea breeze over the weekend. I guess it's time to pay my doctor a visit. Got to go now!

S&M

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KdS6HFQ_LUc

I didn't pay special attention to nails before, either mine or others'. But after I got divorced, the second time, I mean, I finally started painting my nails,  around the same time I had my ears pierced.

And of course I never wore high heels and mini skirts before, well OK that's a lie. Of course I was wild before too, but now my heels just get higher and my skirts shorter!

Now nails, oh I simply adore all those shiny, vivacious colors! Since it’s the school holiday now, I can look as slutty as I like! Bright red and glittering silver are my favs, although this metallic aqua blue I just discovered yesterday is going to look fantastic at the beach too!

But there is a huge price to pay if you want to keep the beautiful nails every girl envies and every guy admires. First, no housework! No, you need a maid or a very understanding man, preferably both. Second, no panty hoses or stockings, unless you have enough savings in the bank to have a brand new pair every single time.  And finally, no piano/cello/flute, etc. Forget them, you can’t play anymore, just enjoy listening now and be content,

Apart from nails, heels are also essential. We all know it’s impossible to find shoes that are both sexy and comfortable at the same time. Look, if any woman tells you otherwise, SHE IS LYING!

Men have no idea how much women sacrifice in order to look like a sex kitten for them. But how far will a girl go to please her man (without being paid)? Tell me, what have men ever done to look pretty for women?

Really, sometimes I feel all women are masochists and all men are sadists!

Sweet Blockbuster

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BgrYf7VWASE

Many people are movie fans. But I bet you can't find two people with the identical taste in movies!

Some people can watch movies in marathon, 6, 7 hours nonstop. I guess it's just a form of brainless entertainment to them. But I can't.

I watch one movie at a time, and preferably in one go, not in installment. And if I am not watching alone, I need my company to keep quiet, because I like to watch in total silence.

No questions like 'What did he just say?' No smart-ass guessing like 'I think he is the next one to be killed!' No comments like 'Hey, she is not wearing a bra!' And definitely no discussion during the movie, like 'Where would you like to go later?'

But of course the most important is the movie itself. To me, there are 3 categories of movies, intolerable trash, tolerable trash and must-watch-agains.

Horrors, war movies with lots of blood, and dumb comedies all belong to the first category. I particularly hate the movies that insult my intelligence.

Tolerable movies include legal thrillers (somebody suing), clever chic flicks (somebody loving) and human dramas (somebody dying.)

The last category is reserved for some heavyweight, thought-provoking movies like "Green Miles" or "Shawshank Redemption", and some featherweight, well-written comedy classics like "A Fish Called Wanda" or "When Harry Met Sally".

A good movie, in my definition, is one you can watch over and over again and get something new and different out of it every time. Hey, maybe I should make a movie someday!

Heard it Through The Grapevine

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y7dGdrP3pms

I just had my regular health check and saw my doctor's computer screen. And guess what, it was his Facebook page!

Most of the people I know are on FB now. I even got reconnected with some old friends through it. It's such a powerful tool, but also very scary.

We don't have privacy anymore. The theory about 1 out of 7 people would be your friend on FB without you knowing is not just an urban myth. So theoretically speaking, I could stumble upon my ex's comment about anything on FB anytime, for instance, my friend's new profile photo. God bless his soul!

Some irritating friends constantly update their status, announcing to the whole world what they are doing/eating/watching, where they are, who they are with, etc. But the worst friends are those who do it when they are actually with you!

I know they are hopelessly addicted to FB, so I forgive them. But sometimes I just want to shout at them, 'Are you that lonely? Even when you are not alone?' Do you have to feel connected with the world or the reality by leaving some trace in public and proving your existence all the time? 

And we also read it. Well, it's human nature to gossip. We all have the need. But  how about a nice, old-fashioned chat over a beer with your friends? When did we start to connect with our friends remotely? Isn't it funny that we share our innermost thoughts through Facebook, instead of talking face to face like the good old time?

I Feel Pretty

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L7BQRGXFLJs

Shopping is the national sport in Japan. Almost everyone here is shopaholic. And if you still think men don't enjoy shopping, you should come and have a look.

So most people have a huge collection of something sitting in their overstuffed closets in their tiny flats. But of course they have to shop for more. Me included.

And about once a year, depending on how lazy we are, we declutter and throw away tons of stuff, in order to free up some space for more stuff. I am the ruthless type. I only keep necessary junk.

But I know some of my friends are extremely reluctant to say goodbye to their junk. And if they are brave enough to invite you to their flats and you are even braver to go, you will find the place so crowded that it's impossible to see which color their floor is. And be warned, watch out every step you take!

Why do we love shopping? Well, I think we don't have much control over our lives, so we shop. In the shop we can say yes or no to anything there displayed attractively and competing for our attention.

We feel empowered and in control. Retail therapy is the best cure for heartbreak, PMS, depression and many other known or unknown mental disorders. The world seems brighter and you definitely look prettier in the shop mirrors!

It’s also good for pure boredom because of its highly regarded entertainment value. In the big city like Tokyo where we have to go to the zoo to see any animals other than humans and insects, what else can we do except shopping?

OK, I've finished the coffee now, and this café is getting too smoky. It’s time to continue my shopping spree and I shall try my best to exercise some control, especially self-control!

Can Anyone Explain

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-FcOHkdiVQY

Why do people go to the beach? Is the sky really bluer there? Does ice cream taste better there? Or is it because everyone goes, so you feel obliged to be there too? I had so many doubts about the beach before.

Besides, I can’t swim, so I failed to see any reason to be there, except to show off my new bikini. Well, with that purpose in mind, and only that, I went to the beach last weekend, for the first time in my life!

But to my surprise, I really enjoyed it, and not only the bikini-showing part. I loved the gentle breeze on my face and the cool seawater at my feet. And I was always busy watching something at the beach, the blazing sun playing with the water, a black Labrador chasing his red ball, and the people!

At the beach, people-watching is not a mere sport anymore, it’s an art! But of course at the same time, I realize I am also being watched, although being an exhibitionist, I adore that too…

Oh and I collected many stones! I know it's childish, but I always like rocks, even though I don’t rock. Now I have a fine collection of stones with various shapes, colors and texture. I feel so rich!

Actually I took a book there to read, but I was simply too busy taking everything in to even turn a page.

But the best thing was the smell of the sea, warm, wet and salty, which took me right back to my childhood as I grew up by the sea. (Fine, you can laugh now, but I just can't swim!!)

No wonder smell is considered the most powerful trigger of memories.

Food for Thot

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8EqgwW3zCKg

I love food. Fantasize about it, look at it, smell it, choose it, , prepare it, cook it, and of course taste it, and eat it. Everything about it.

It's an essential part of our daily life, not to mention you are what you eat and blah blah blah, so why not make it into something special, even if it’s not anything spectacular?

Every country has its own food culture, but I think the 2 most popular cuisines in the world are Italian and Chinese, although probably just because Italians and Chinese are everywhere.

But if you are tired of pizza and pasta, or sweet and sour pork and lemon chicken, you can always go for something else.

For example, if you feel like stuffing yourself, you can either have Indian curry or American hamburgers. But if you prefer looking at half-empty plates and not eating, you can just sit elegantly and toy with some fancy French foie gras.

Thai food and Korean food are my favorites, because I love spicy food. I am one of the spicy food masochists, the spicier the better.

Of course for any cuisines, the tastes is the most important. But I also enjoy the whole presentation, especially in Japanese food. All the plates, bowls, chopsticks and the rests, their texture, whether it’s ceramic or wood, and all the rich but understated colors, it’s a visual feast on it’s own!

Razzle Dazzle

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8eykLf8b_Vk

Is it just a myth that only women and gay men enjoy musicals, while straight men tolerate them just to earn brownie points?

Personally I love musicals, but only the very good ones, of course. I have seen quite a few in the theater, but my all time favorite is still “Chicago.”

The story itself is common enough, a womanizer gets exactly what he deserves and the murderess goes to jail. But it has all the ingredients for a great musical, witty lines, fantastic music and brilliant choreography, etc.

Thought-provoking it may not be, but it certainly reflects the social aspects of the time it depicts, like the injustice of the justice system, the manipulation of news making and so on.

And the notion only women and gay men like musicals? Well I don't know, Italians love their operas, men, women, and children. Chinese operas and Japanese kabuki are popular among both genders. Now don't tell me musicals are different!

So why do straight men feel the need to show their disgust at musicals? To protect their perceived muscularity? Or are there just not enough boobs and blood in musicals? Are musicals too girly and glittering for straight men?

But what’s wrong with some razzle dazzle? Life is just a show anyway!

Smoke Gets in Your Eyes

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=57tK6aQS_H0

Japan is probably the last developed country where you can still smoke almost everywhere.

People here feel it's their right to smoke anywhere they so please. I don't understand why they don't pee everywhere too, or maybe they do, only God knows!

I often fantasize carrying a water pistol around and shoot at the lit-up cigarettes on the street one by one. It disgusts me how people can walk and smoke at the same time. Do they walk and pee at the same time too?

Worst of all, I often get to sit next to the only smoker in the restaurant. It’s just my luck! Over the years, I’ve developed some techniques to give the next table smokers the hints, including fanning away the coming smoke with the menu, covering my nose and mouth like he has contagious disease, coughing so hard like I am about to pass out, etc.

Once I had an argument with my neighbor downstairs because he often smoked on his balcony and the smoke came into my living room without invitation. And when I asked why he didn't smoke inside, he said he didn't want to make his wife and daughter suffer from his second- hand smoke!

It was his business if he chose to die from lung cancer one day, but I refused to die along too. Of course in the end I won the case. He stopped smoking on his balcony, and I stopped spraying air-freshener on mine. The other day I met him in the elevator and he proudly informed me he had quit smoking successfully!

Whenever I see any of my students smoking in the gas chamber, I threaten them with more homework. Such a filthy, hideous habit from such young age! Yuk!

Do they think they look cool when they are smoking? Or do they actually enjoy it? I’ve never smoked, so I honestly have no idea. But one thing for sure, there are no smiling smokers!