Take the A Train

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qhK-zYfFsIY

I can’t stand sitting in a car/train/airplane for a long time, even though I am usually very patient. I go to the bookshop and choose books according to their weight and thickness, a bit like what you do in the fruit shop.

But really, I don’t understand why people “go driving.” If for some mysterious reason I am on that trans-Siberian railway journey, I am sure I will keep asking “Are we there?” every 20 minutes.

For me, any kind of transportation is just a mean to go from point A to point B. It’s something to endure, not to enjoy. Now please don’t tell me you can always sleep during the journey, because, well I can’t! As far as I know, only Dracula and some whales sleep vertically.

And besides, I suffer from motion sickness easily. Last time I went to Magic Mountain, I threw up after the 7 circles of roller coaster. Although I am a confirmed M, I will never take another ride (any amusement park can offer) voluntarily. You will have to kidnap me handcuffed!

And the Batman ride? Launched FreeFall? Mega Drop?? I think people have watched too many Nazi movies. As for me, I would much prefer going tot the bookshop and hunt for the thickest, heaviest and juiciest book there.

Now you probably think that I am just a clumsy nerd, but believe me, I can run pretty fast, although I do it carefully so that I don’t gallop into any innocent bystanders. And I have excellent hand-eye coordination, especially after I have some coffee in me. I am also good at machines, as long as they are not moving.

I just don’t understand why people enjoy being caged or tortured, except in the bedroom!

Another Way to Die

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=icrNkmf9uyQ

I have a speed phobia.

I can't drive on the highway because I can never cut into the racing-by traffic at the intersection. I can't ski because I don’t know how to make myself jump off the ski lift on the top of the hill.

The only time I went skiing, I took the lift, missed the spot on the top, and made a full circle back down to the starting point. I spent the rest of the day watching my friends skiing and making snowmen with some kids there.

But strangely, I am reckless enough to be on a motorcycle as a passenger. I guess it’s because I know I can keep my eyes closed whenever I feel the need to. The first and also the last time I tried to learn to ride a motorcycle myself, I ended up with a lump as big as an egg on my forehead.

Luckily it didn’t happen when I tried to learn how to drive a car, although I don’t really drive, I just crawl with my car.

I think I can safely blame this on my mum, a total control freak who will not only tell you what to do but also how, where and when. She wipes the doorknobs and her car keys every day.

What's my chance to grow up normal, I ask you?

It's only natural that I consider many things risky business. For example, I am 100% certain I can never learn to swim. Do you know how dirty the water is in the pool and the sea??? You must be joking!

Some of my friends ride horses and I consider them crazy and subconsciously suicidal.

Have I mentioned that? I hate speed!

No Pressure Over Cappuccino

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_YfSSq0srfo&feature=related

Do you like to sit at a café?

People go there for various reasons, to escape from the shoebox apartment you call home, to meet friends where you can both sit properly and comfortably, or to work/study/do something you have to force yourself to in a controlled environment.

I go there to watch people, and to be watched, I guess. But usually I prefer to sit at home and enjoy being antisocial.

There are very few outdoor cafes here in Tokyo, and you have to look for them very very carefully. Some people believe Asians simply don’t know how to relax and live. There is certainly some truth to it. You always see Japanese rushing around, lunching fast, and drinking hard.

Nobody likes to be considered lazy here. Eating and sleeping are many people’s only hobbies. Everything they do must have a purpose, usually to improve themselves or to pursue a better material life.

But how about the quality of life? Are they happy? Certainly not. But do they mind? I doubt.

How long can one last, being unhappy day after day? From this perspective, Asians are really quite tough. Most of them can go without any holidays for years. And even when they are on holiday, they are too busy taking photos or shopping. Why do people need to relax anyway?

Before I often felt ashamed when I had a “none-day,” doing absolutely nothing, just lazing around and vegetating.  But now I firmly believe I am entitled to my cappuccino time and I shall sip and chill as long as I like!

Let's Do It

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U-oEA1sK374

The other day I was sitting at Starbucks when I noticed I was the only person there dressed in colors other than black, white, or beige. Everybody was wearing something in monotone, not even checks or stripes, except me! I looked down at my bright green/yellow flora printed dress, and started wondering why.

I like to be different, but I don't need to. In fact, I become self-conscious, grumpy or annoyed when I am stared at, depending on how aggressively the stare is.

But Japanese will do everything in order NOT to stand out. Their life goal is to blend in and get accepted as a member of the team, should it be school, company, PTA meeting, residence council, whatever.

They are so afraid to be different that they have to dress the same, behave the same, and even think the same. That's how pathetic it is!

Of course I can see the advantage to be anonymous and I also like to hide in the crowd too. But I will damn wear any vivid, vulgar, or even violent colors whenever and wherever I feel like it!

Now why do people prefer to stay invisible? Why is it so important for Japanese not to draw attention? In order to commit adultery, shoplifting, pick pocketing, or other petty crimes?

I believe the answer is very simple. They are just afraid of making mistakes, which is also the reason why they still can’t speak English after studying it every day for 6 years.

I say, let’s make tons of mistakes, let’s stand out, and let’s just do it. 

Come Together

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0e7AQQTONvg

One of my western friends once asked me why the Japanese people were smiling all the time. While a Japanese friend of mine recently took his family to LA and came back wondering why the Americans always seemed pissed off about something or someone.

Here in Japan, harmony on the surface is certainly more important than anything else. It has to be preserved at all time and at all costs. And they are extremely naive and gullible to believe everyone should be nice to each other.

If you give a Japanese a glass of orange color water, he will take it and drink gratefully without any persuasion, and then thank you. If you give a Chinese the same, he will finally drink it after you spend at least 15 minutes convincing him it’s OJ. And if it’s an American, forget it, he won’t talk to you anyway, you are just a stranger on the street.

Japan is the only country in the world you would find your wallet still sitting next to the sink of the public toilet you just visited more than an hour ago. And everything would remain inside, including all the cash.

As far as I know, the only thing the Japanese police do is giving tourists directions, while the police in the west are always very busy catching serial killers, at least according to CSI.

But Japanese are also paying a dear price in order to maintain harmony on the surface. The stress has driven many people to excessive drinking and various exotic behaviors.

If you are an anthropologies running out of material to study, please do consider Japan!

Chaos

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oIQiSZdX8vA

Unlike what most westerners believe, Japanese do know how to communicate, although in a very different way, much more subtly and gently, which usually baffles westerners and is perceived as being politely rude, pretentious, inflexible, indirect, or indifferent.

In Japan, the first rule of communication is “Less is more.” And the second rule is “Never inconvenience the others.” Japanese assume people are compassionate, sympathetic and able to understand each other’s needs without having to resort to talk.

Japanese expect people to have the ability to think for the others, while westerners believe people should always spell out their needs, if they want anything done for them at all.

Patience is considered a must-have virtue here in Japan, and the communication is done by many ways other than verbal. But in the west, it’s encouraged to have your say and voice precisely what you think, at the exact moment when you think it.

When a Japanese asks someone for a favor, he would first take all things into account, especially whether it would cause too much trouble to the other party. After carefully assessing the situation, he would then decide if it’s the right favor to ask. And that’s why Japanese can’t easily say no to the others. In general, they just don't.

This process of inner struggle is unfathomable for most westerners, because come on, what's so hard to simply say no??? You know the others would say it to you too!

Japanese believe every individual is just part of the team, while westerners feel teams are only for sports and the year-end performance evaluation.

With such a huge culture gap, no wonder westerners believe Japanese are stony-faced stuck-ups, while Japanese regard westerners selfish savages!

MInd Your Business

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8qJOqhapJUM

I have never liked Mickey Mouse and the gang, even when I was also cute and little myself. Sorry, Mickey, nothing personal, it's just you are not my type!

Of course I understand why people consider those cartoon characters adorable. But I have a hard time comprehending the concept of adults here in Japan carrying a Hello Kitty key chain around without blushing.

It would take a lot of courage to do that in the States if you ever feel the need to, even if it’s not just a fashion statement. But in Japan, a grandpa can walk around wearing a Snow White cap and totally feeling at ease.

It's probably a very good thing for the national mental health. But sometimes I feel the whole country is a big Disneyland.

Most people here are living in Never Never Land. They grow up reading manga and worship Ultraman. And now they go to maid cafe and they enjoy cosplay. In their fantasy, everyone lives happily ever after.

I believe Tokyo Disneyland has the longest waiting time among all the Disneylands in the world, although waiting in the line is the second most popular pastime in Japan, next to shopping.

You can see Disney Stores everywhere in Tokyo, for the people who suddenly have an uncontrollable urge to acquire another cute Winnie the Pooh mouse pad or Donald Duck mug.

In my opinion, Disney is definitely a much better way to escape from the daily stress, compared with karaoke, pachinko, drinking, love hotel, etc? Well, obviously anything is better than going insane politely and quietly.

And really, it’s none of my business if someone can never grow out of the KAWAII~~~ stage.